Bubblehammerblog

I read today that the odious twat Martin Amis intends to leave England for good, citing family reasons but also bemoaning the 'moral decrepitude' of the country. He intends to write a novel, to be called 'The State of England', in which he will deliver a clip round the lughole to his disappointing homeland. He doesn't want to be English anymore.

I met Amis once, many years ago. I was limping through Hyde Park, having just had my foot run over by a motorbike. I was almost penniless due to the drink and needed tube fare to get me home. It's never bothered me asking strangers for money; if I'm approached myself I invariably cough up respectfully, recalling a saying of the Besht about not turning your back on an outstretched hand.

It was only when I was halfway through my politely delivered request for a pound coin that I realised I was speaking to a famous son of a famous writer, though I didn't mention it to him.

I think he was alarmed by my Northern accent, which can sound barbarous to his kind, though we speak a more authentic German dialect. He wouldn't look at me, refused me the coin, and concluded the exchange with the words 'Now move on.'

It wasn't his refusal of the coin but those final words, with their intimation of a police order, that caused my knuckles to tingle. I considerd punching him in the face, but thought better of it since the park was busy and my lame foot might impede flight. Now when I glimpse him on TV or see his face in the paper I feel a small pang of regret over that missed opportunity. He has eminently punchable features. If he doesn't deserve a fat lip for refusing me a quid all those years ago he deserves it for the ignorant remarks he made in Manchester about Muslims.

I agree with much of what Amis said about England – but has he only just noticed that the monarchy are philistines and the culture superficial? He clearly despises working people, (the leading character of his new novel is a lottery winning violent criminal called 'Lionel Asbo'), imagining that they are responsible for the superficiality of the tabloid press and the loathsome 'celebrity culture' that fills it..

He can't help feeling nostagic for the Empire though, and like others of his class links it's passing to the continuing decline we're experiencing now. He says that were he to be offered a knighthood he'd refuse it. That's how jolly well fed up he is. You can hear guff like this at the bar of any boozer in the Home Counties.

And where's Amis going to escape English philistinism and superficiality? You guessed it – America.

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